IS CARING = CONCERN = WORRY ???

Do you worry about anything in life?

Yes, I do. Almost all of us do worry about our children, husband, parents, other family members and friends.

Is it? Why do you worry?

I care for my kids and family. So, when they are in some problem, it is natural to worry. If someone on the road meets with an accident, I will try to help and not worry, but if someone from my family meets with an accident, I will help and will worry too much because I love them. “Where there is love, there is worry”.

When do you worry?

I worry when

      ·        Any of my closely related family members and friends is in trouble.

      ·        Something bad has happened in the past.

      ·        About the future because of some problems in the present or in the past.

Is it natural to worry about our loved ones?

Of course, yes. When I say “I love my family”, it means I care for them, I am concerned about them. So it is natural to worry about them. 
Parents worry about their kids, grand-parents, work, finance, health, etc. 
Kids worry about their exams, friends, competitions, etc. 
Grand-parents worry about everyone and everything in life.

So do you feel it right to worry?

I do not know whether it is right or wrong, but it is natural. It happens to all. Certain feelings towards certain people come naturally, I don’t create it.

Let us talk only about YOU, not all, because when we say “all”, we feel it as right (since everyone does it). Let us focus only on what you feel and what you do. “What everyone thinks/ does, need not be right always.”

OK.

Does worrying help you in any way?

Hmmm…. NO, but it happens. I feel tired and drained out when I worry.

Exactly. This is what happens when we worry.

Let us see “What is worry?”

Worry is an anxiety which we create mostly based on something fictional, which has not yet happened. It is a story that we create based on some past incident, it is an imagined virtual future that we create in our minds.

We say that I am worried, when I create thoughts like

·        “Oh my child has not yet started speaking, what will happen if he continues like this? Other kids have started reciting rhymes; does my child have any problem.....?”

·        My husband does not speak normally to me nowadays. Is something wrong with him? Does he not like me? Is something wrong with me? Has he got any new friend whom he finds better than me or is he into any affair.....??

·        “My daughter is 25 years old, she is too career oriented.  She does not accept for marriage. How long can she remain a spinster? She has some minor health issues now, what if it increases later and no one accepts her? Will she remain all alone throughout her life? After my gone, who will take care of her......?

At times, children too worry like:

·        I got low marks this time, I slept in class too, I think my teacher does not like me. She might be partial with me, she will not make me the leader of the class, she hates me, she may not give me a chance in cultural activities, I will be ignored, my friends also may not like me, I will be lonely, no one likes me….

People generally worry because they feel it right; they feel it is good to worry. In fact, if you don’t worry, there will be many people around you to say, “Look, she doesn’t care for her family at all, she does not worry even a little. Does she love her family? Is she concerned a bit at least?”

There is a very strong belief that “Worry is concern and it is good to worry. If you don’t worry, it means you don’t care”. That is why we often tell to each other, ”You know how much I am worried about you!!!!”, which means we are trying to convey that “I really care for you”. But is this belief true?????

What is the difference between care/ concern and worry?

Care and concern means love, it is a pure positive energy which helps in building and binding relationships. It is a feeling that results in helping and making the present situation better.

Worry is a negative energy. It completely drains out our mental strength and weakens us. The greatest way of depleting one’s mental power is by worrying, it is detrimental to the self. Worrying reduces our inner strength which we actually need to face the situation. It creates fear in us which is again a negative energy. When we worry about someone (which will 99% be our close relatives), we create 100.. number of thoughts which are imaginary, in fact which is never going to happen. These thoughts get repeated continuously and we start living in this imaginary future. This creates fear within us and does not allow us to face reality with the right approach.

Example:

A child (14 year old) goes to his friend’s house after informing his mother that he will return by 6.00pm. It gets late. No phone calls. The mother, meanwhile, starts thinking:

At 6:15pm – it has been only 6:15, he must be playing.

At 6:45pm – What happened? let me call. Oh no, he is not picking up. What is he doing? He is too playful. When is he going to be responsible?

At 7:15pm – it is too late, where has he gone? He has taken his cycle, has he fallen down somewhere? Has something happened to him? Why is he not picking up my call? There is some underground construction work going on the road, has he fallen into it? He is already very weak, he speaks very softly too, even if he shouts, no one would hear it… oh no, what has happened to my child? She walks half the way till the construction, finds that nothing has happened and returns home. Oh no, then something else must have happened… has he gone out somewhere with his friends, have they met with an accident? His friend’s parents too act irresponsibly, is this the time to send children outside? Roads are not good and the traffic is worst….

This thinking continues for an hour or so….

At 8:30pm – she calls up to all other friends, neighbors and family members asking about her child. She is totally blank, does not know what to do… what will I do if something had happened to him? Is he lost? Has he been kidnapped? I can’t see him in a bad state. I can’t live without him, he is my life. What will I tell to my husband and family? Why did I let him go?????... She starts feeling weak and shivers.

At 9:00pm - The hero (child) returns home. (Actually he slept in his friend’s house, so was late).

The mother blasts at him. “Where have you been so long, can’t you just call and inform me that you’ll be late? Do you know how much I was worried about you? I feared that you were lost….

Child: Ma, why are you worrying about me? I am completely fine; I just slept in his house. That is all.

Mother: (In a loud tone) what did you say?  Why am I worried? I love you so much; I just cannot imagine you in a bad state (But what was she thinking so long?). You will not understand my feelings now, when you become a parent, then you will know what it is to worry for your loved ones.

The child simply walks past and goes to sleep. (The child learns that caring is worrying and it is good to worry.)

I think many of us must have undergone this situation at least once in our childhood and must be doing the same to our kids too.

The situation was, the child was late and there was no information from him. Yes, it is a matter of concern. But are these huge negative thoughts necessary? Is it good for the mother or the child? The mother could have called up other friends, got their phone numbers and tried, or she could have got his friend’s parents phone numbers and tried reaching him. If nothing worked, she could have directly gone to the friend’s house. If we think of a positive approach there are many.

The thoughts that we create have huge effects. When we think something about someone, it reaches and may affect the concerned person. If our thoughts are strongly negative and the person is emotionally weak, there are a lot of chances of the person being affected by our thoughts.

Since we care for our loved ones, let us focus on creating good, pure positive thoughts for our loved ones. When we do so, first, we will remain stable within and this in turn will help us to ease the situation. When we think pure, good and powerful about someone, there a lot of chances that only good will happen to that person.

When we worry, we get disconnected from the present and move to an imaginary future and start living in it. Many people prefer to do this, as they are unable to meet the challenges of the present. This is a personality disorder and needs to be corrected. This state of mind, “worry”, causes “fear”. When we fear, we will not be able to give our 100%.

There is another belief within students that, “I cannot perform well if I don’t worry. I need to fear/ get tensed about my exams to feel the seriousness of it.” We need to check this belief. When I worry about my exams or any performance, I think, “I have my main exams from tomorrow, those marks are important for my college admissions, what if I lose it by a few marks? Others handwriting is better than mine, so I might go down in rank, what if I don’t get the group I want? How can I learn something am not interested in?...”

Will these thoughts help me in any way? They drain my mental strength and then I cannot give my best. They create fear and it will only push me down.

Instead, one positive approach- “I have my main exams tomorrow and I will do my best. I will work on my handwriting consciously and perform my best.”

A student, who worries and performs exams / events, will surely achieve much below than her/ his capability. Then there will be a say, “See I knew I would score low marks”.

This is bound to happen. If we create negative thoughts and expect positive results, is it possible?

“Our thoughts create our destiny, so we need to be very very careful in the quality of our thoughts.”

Most of the times, worry is selfish motivated. We worry as to what “I” would feel, if something happens to someone. Like:

“What will I do without you? How can I live without you?  What will I answer to my family members? “

 Sometimes, the situations in life shows a clear negative happening, like

1.     I see my situations at work are unfavorable to me and I know that I am going to lose my job soon. My positive approach- “OK, what can I do next, where else can I apply? I need to inform all my reliable contacts, need to prepare my resume, upload in various sites, etc”

2.     One of my close family members is serious and will leave the body soon. My positive approach- “Yes, I will surely miss her. But the fact is, whatever happens in this world, life will move on. So what can I do to ease her and her family members? And so on..

3.     I see that my child is an autism kid and doctors have confirmed the same.  My positive approach- “Yes, I accept that my child is an autism kid, but now on, I am responsible in making her the best. So, I get to know the ways to bring her up in a healthy environment. I learn different techniques to deal with her drawbacks and work patiently with her. I truly believe that however she is, she is at her best and will be so, always. She is a blessing to me and I will take care of her to my best possible extent.”

These pure positive thoughts will make us strong within and will radiate a lot of love, acceptance, care, concern and support to our loved ones.

Worry is the symptom of stress and depression. Repeated worry over years will lead to depression and stress in life. Any problem, in its initial stage is easy to overcome. Hence it is very easy to eliminate it.

How does worrying affect us?

Worrying affects us emotionally and physically. In this state of mind, there are nearly 50-80 thoughts that we create in a minute. These pull us down and we feel very tired, weak and unfit to do anything constructive. Our BP goes very high/ low, sugar levels vary drastically, get numbed, feel dizzy, heart beats fast, etc. As stated before, my negative thoughts can also affect the other person negatively.

What can we do instead of worrying? How can we eliminate it?

Whenever we get worried, we need to consciously stop and say to ourselves, “NO, stop thinking, none of these are going to happen, this is not true at all, everything is fine. Is there anything I can do to make the situation better? What next?” and start working on the solutions. Initially we may find it hard, since we have lived with this habit of worrying for many years, but anything can be corrected on practice.

Anything, when done in a repeated manner becomes a habit. So it is easy to create any habit in any stage of life. So let us stop worrying for the benefit of ourselves and our family/ friends.

Do you still prefer to worry?

Definitely, NO. When I worry, I radiate negative energy and then can I call it care/ love/ concern? No, never. I always want only the good to happen for my loved ones, in fact, for everyone in the world. Worrying does not help me in any way but shatters me down to a worst condition. In a subtle manner, I will also be causing harm to my loved ones. Instead, I will create a positive thought about the situations and take steps for a better life. 

Will the world/ society accept you, if you don’t worry?

I cannot live up to everyone's expectations. When it is regarding my family and friends, I will do only what is good for them and me, it does not matter what the society thinks of me. If the society calls me as “an unconcerned person” for not worrying, I will try to explain what the so called “worry” does to us and others. If it does not work, I will ignore. Again, I live for myself and my family first.

 

Hence, I have understood that “WORRY” only spoils me and can cause harm to people. When I love and care for my family and friends, I need to act responsibly for mine and their benefit. So, only a stable mind and a positive approach can only help and never worry.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Taken from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8gGVeOSyqs

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